Without compromise your attempt at a long distance relationship will fail.
Sorry to start this so blunt, but it’s true. After having done a long distance relationship for a number of years in the past, I’ve come to the conclusion on how to make a long distance relationship work. It’s possible, but there are a few adjustments and realizations you need to make in order for it to work (successfully). Six of them, in fact.
Now, whether you are in the midst of trying to get your ex back or you just need advice on how to make a LDR work for you, this article can and will help.
1. Forget everything you read
Start by forgetting everything you have read so far on a long distance relationship not being possible. I’m living proof that it is, so if you are looking for inspiration, you have come to the right place. In every facet of life, there will be people that tell you something can’t be done.
Everything is impossible until it’s done.
2. Address any current problems
Make sure that you are your partner are cool. Cool meaning, you guys don’t have any current problems that haven’t been sorted out, addressed, or resolved. You can’t go into a LDR starting out in the negative.
That’s like kicking yourself in the balls for fun. Who does that?
3. Similarity level
Something to think about before starting a long distance relationship is to be aware of how different your personality is from her. In my experience, you need to be somewhat similar. In other words, if one of you is really shy and the other is an extrovert, your chances are lower because your lifestyles are different and that will become apparent since every detail is magnified.
However, if you are both on the same wavelength energy-wise, then your chances increase dramatically because there’s a mutual understanding without having to say anything. Which is vital to your success.
- You like going out on Friday nights, she likes to stay home.
- You like hitting the club with your buddies, but she is more of an outdoor person.
- You don’t like being on the phone or using computers, but she’s a computer person.
- You both enjoy going out once a month, but prefer to keep things low key. This makes FaceTiming enjoyable for both of you and not a chore.
Again, this isn’t a mandatory thing, but in my experience similar personalities increases the probability of your success.
4. Trust is a must
You have to have trust, obviously. Beginning a long distance relationship without that is like getting on a boat with holes in it. If someone did that, you’d point to them and say, “Hey, what the fuck are you doing dude?”
5. Don’t sweat the small stuff
You have to not bicker on the small things. A quick test that I used was just asking myself if the issue didn’t matter tomorrow, why bring it up at all? In most cases, I just let them go.
She didn’t text you back right away, that’s ok. You trust her, right? So who cares. Now if it’s a consistent issue, that’s different. Don’t sweat the small stuff. They really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
6. Phone calls matter
Never ever ever have serious conversations over text or email. I know texting is fun and easy, but in a long distance relationship because everything is magnified, one wrong word can EASILY turn into an argument. Just trust me on this.
If you ever sense the conversation getting out of hand, just tell her, “Look, I believe there’s been a misunderstanding, I would like to resolve this on the phone or face to face (virtual or reality). What’s your schedule like today/this week?”
This shows you are mature, thoughtful, and are willing to have a mature conversation. Most guys are blocked by their own pride & ego and automatically you show her without telling her, that you are better than that.
I’ve found that the right technology, mentality, and routines your chances are good when it comes to a long distance relationship. I’ve outlined some stuff that’s worked for me.
Tools to use:
- For face-to-face conversations: Skype, Zoom, or FaceTime.
- For staying in touch: WhatsApp or Telegram.
- Your old dinner dates now become emails. Start learning to write thoughtful ones.
- A handwritten card weights 10x more than any jewelry piece you could ever get her in a long distance relationship and sometimes any relationship for that matter.
- Set your expectations lower.
- Don’t be glued to your phone, put it away once in awhile so you don’t force a habit of waiting to hear back from her.
- Learn to lose arguments, sometimes the battle just isn’t worth it.
- Don’t keep score or be even-steven with everything. You may text her more, but maybe her schedule isn’t the same as yours. Let. It. Go.
- Work on being patient.
- Even if you are right, don’t beat a dead horse. Forgive her and move on. She will resent you after if you push her buttons.
- Have a routine of when you will Skype. Once a week? Once a day? If you can visit and it’s economically feasible, you should.
- Talk or text every morning and night if you can. You can’t always control what happens during the day, but you can control how it starts and how it ends. Make it good.
- When I did a LDR the flip phone was still a thing and Skype was just getting big. She lived on a island and the Internet was mediocre — at best. Everything was dependent on consistency, emails, and patience.
Have those three components and you might have something. Have only one of those, and you have nothing.
What has helped for you in making a long distance relationship work? I would love to read your perspective about LDR’s.