It’s Friday night and the sun’s been down for hours.
You don’t feel like going out because you lack the energy and, frankly, you’ve lost the desire to do anything since the separation. So you download a couple dating apps, pull out a cold Foster’s Lager from the fridge, and figure this might be a good way to get distracted.
A few matches later, you start feeling GOOD.
You do what thousands of people do – you decide to actually go out on a date with one of your new matches, even though your breakup was literally weeks ago.
While on the date, you begin to notice some things right away. Your date has a lot of weaknesses that your former partner did not. Their poor taste in cuisine, lack of ambition, and a careless attitude about the world.
Guess what? You just took 3 steps backward.
It’s tempting to go down the post-breakup dating road right away, but I encourage you to not.
While there are a myriad of options at your disposal to get distracted, what you don’t know is that the temporary good feeling you get is short-lived. In the long-run, you’re making it harder to succeed (get back together or move on).
When you start to date right away, as soon as something unplanned happens or the person you’re dating does something unattractive, you just enhance your ex-partner all over again.
Then guess what happens? You begin to wonder if you’ll ever meet someone like them again (hint: you will).
Then you’ll start to wonder if you should text them (please don’t). Did I mess up? Were they right all along?
You see the domino effect? This isn’t what you want, it just makes your ex seem more valuable than they really are.
Dating after a breakup is like gambling, except you’re gambling with something far more important than money – your emotions.
To get to the next level and make sure you don’t make this mistake, pass on all dates for now. Wait it out.
The reality is that, right now, you’re blind to your ex-partner’s flaws. You see, you knew everything about them – their hopes, fears, dreams, passions, etc. Now, meeting a new person won’t be as comfortable because you don’t know them on the same wavelength.
Instead, focus on making yourself happy and do your best not to think about your ex. So, how do you know when you should start dating again?
There are 3 indications. Make sure you’re good on all and then you’ll know you’re ready.
- Dating benchmark #1: When you’re 80% happy on your own and feel like that happiness doesn’t depend on anyone.
- Dating benchmark #2: When you stop hoping for your ex to text you.
- Dating benchmark #3: When you wake up, are they the first thought in your mind? If not, you’re good.
Good luck to you.
If you have a different perspective or think this makes sense, I would love to hear your story.